san ramon

San Ramon is a city trapped within its own cesspool. The residents draw blanks when confronted on real issues, common sense, or when you just happen to say something smart. The only thing that matters to the residents is how they are viewed by each other, hence the only reason to “work” harder at selling home loans (been breakin' my back on the phone all day, honey!) and buy an S class or 7 series. To the few sane people left in San Ramon, the town itself drives them to insanity because the rich logic takes over EVERYONE and you wonder if you’re the last sane person on the planet… or are you the craziest person on the planet? There are various reasons why San Ramon should not be considered a part of CA (the most accepting, well-rounded, and liberal state of the Union)...
1. As stated by someone else, fun is illegal.
2. Being poor is a 1st degree felony, punishable by death.
3. Littering on master-planned cement will bring at least three separate cop cars to your location within the minute.
4. Smoking weed will also bring the same result, this as well is punishable by death.
However, if you’re rich, white, ignorant, and want your kids to be just as dumb, this is the safest place in the entire world. Nothing will happen. Ever. Until the day when someone snaps and blows it up.

Residents from here and the surrounding cities (Danville, Blackhawk, Dublin, Pleasanton, Alamo) have strange delusions. Many believe that rapper E-40 is FROM Blackhawk. This, of course, is ridiculous, like saying that Dr. Dre is from Beverley Hills. To clear up anyone's ignorance, E-40, coming upon a fortune too big to carry around in the itty bitty city of Vallejo (where he is actually from) was forced to move to a gated location like Blackhawk. I hope his twisted rich and evil neighbors are scared by the amount of coked out and high black people always driving by their house. Haha.

After living here for 10 years, I've since escaped the city limits, and will be going as far as possible, never to return, not even for my family (they have that "rich logic" and I can't help but knowing that I'm dealing with madmen).

"San Ramon is a city in the San Francisco Bay Area. It, however, is not in the 'yay area' or 'da bay'."

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