That tap is like a Eunuch's cock

Expression used by bar staff to describe a a beer tap for a product that is no longer in stock and has been so for an extended period. Generally the product in question will never be stocked again so it is only due to the idiotcy of management that the tap remains in place.

Customer: I'll have a pint of Becks.
Exasperated barman: Sorry but we've no Becks on draught.
Customer: But there's a tap there.
Increasingly irate barman: That tap is like a Eunuch's cock. I can pull at it all day and nothing's going to comeout.

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the guinness skid mark on the underpants of society

Expression used to describe someone who is completely useless and black.

Jermaine Defoe is "the guinness skid mark on the underpants of society"

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press

it's like a cupboard only it's a press.

the plates go in the press.

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Monkey in a person suit

A person of sub par intelligence, to the extent that you have to assume they are merely a non-hominoid simian who has somehow aquired a human shaped, halloween costume.

Paris Hilton is a monkey in a person suit. Hell you can see the zip.

Irish Queer

Expression used in Ireland to describe a man more interested in women than drinking.

Rory: Alex left a double whiskey on the table to go chatting up some bird.
Shlong: What an Irish queer.
Enda: Yoink

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