University of Toledo

The University of Toledo, located in the sprawling urban slum of Toledo, Ohio offers students a waste of their college years. Offerring an intensely limited array of majors, advisors and professors strive to either fail their students, or mess up their schedules just enough so that students will have to "enjoy" an extra year at this excellent university. Admission is not based on academic excellence in high school, but whether or not you can pay tuition. As an added bonus, every student graduates with a minor in ebonics.

Graduates leave with the warm memories of foreign people teaching Comp 1, BET blasting on all of the TV sets in the Student Union, AVI eggs that look like sponges, squirrels that are bigger than great danes, and the knowledge that now they don't have to worry about the "parking nazis" anymore.

If this school sounds like what you are looking for in higher education, ask your self these questions: do you like rap? do you like living in the ghetto? do you mind driving around in circles looking for a place to park for at least an hour? do you believe in Title 9? do you like not seeing the sun for 11.9 months out of the year? do you prefer to waste your youth away? Then this is the school for you!

You know you go to the University of Toledo if the only things there are to do are get mugged, get jumped, get shanked, get bored, or get drunk.

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