steaming seagull

when a woman is giving head to a guy she has an epileptic fit, biting down on the guys penis, whilst flapping uncontrollably begging for help.

hey john did you just see that chick cough up a cock?' 'yeah she looked like a steaming seagull.

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squash hobbler

when a guy is in a tent with a few of his mates and wants a wank and to get out he tramples everyones nuts. whilst standing at the camp fire the guy looks over his shoulder to see his mates hobble out of the tent in disgust, hence resembling a 'squash hobbler'.

i have a stiffy, how am i going to squash hobbler my way out of this one?