testilying

telling lies under oath; standard operating procedure for police officers acting as witnesses in trials.

See also: perjury

The story the cops gave was so ridiculous that everyone except the judge knew they were testilying.

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Foucault's pendulum

1. a pendulum device named after the French physicist Léon Foucault, used to demonstrate the rotation of the Earth.

2. an extremely complicated novel by Umberto Ecco, first published in 1988. Persons successfully reading this book should be given a badge of merit.

Juicy O'Gazem: 'Did you really read all of "Foucault's Pendulum"'

Rod Stiffy: 'Yessirree, I did.'

Juicy O'Gazem: 'Wow, you should get a badge or a medal or something.'

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drain the snake

Urinate (in reference to the possessor of a penis)

Usually when you wake up in the morning, the first thing you need to do is drain the snake.

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balloon dance

A burlesque performance involving a dancer garbed in an outfit comprised of balloons. As the dance proceeds, audience members are invited to pop the balloons, eventually revealing the dancer's nudity

We watched the balloon dancer for a while, and eventually discovered she was not a natural blond.

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9/11/2001

The day rightistas stole the 21st century.

Teacher-in-the-future: "Who can tell me why 9/11/2001 is an important date from the 21st century?"
Student-in-the-future: "A planned catastrophe shocked the populace of the United States enabling them to be manipulated into accepting neo-fascist corporatism as the new organizing principle of their state."
Teacher-in-the-future: "Correct."

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go fuck yourself doctrine

The go fuck yourself doctrine states that anyone and everyone, WITH NO EXCEPTIONS WHATSOEVER, can go fuck themselves.

For example, the go fuck yourself doctrine states:

Oprah can go fuck herself.

Mother Theresa can go fuck herself.

Ghandi can go fuck himself.

50cent can go fuck himself.

Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill and Nelson Mandela and the Pope and Ayatollah Khameni can all go fuck themselves.

You can go fuck yourself.

I can go fuck myself.

God can go fuck itself.

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Bush v. Gore

Bush v. Gore, 531 U.S. (2000), a court case before the United States Supreme Court marked by scandalous abuse of process and corrupt partisanship on the part of the Republican-appointed majority of the bench.

The decision:
-prevented determination of the will of voters in Florida,
-over-ruled state authority over electoral process, and
-appointed G.W. Bush president.

The judicial culprits in this partisan travesty were:
-Rehnquist, William (boss-judge),
-O'Connor, Sandra Day,
-Kennedy, Anthony,
-Thomas, Clarence, and
-Scalia, Antonin.

For excellent examples of wisdom and legal reasoning, read the dissenting judgments of Justices Souter, Breyer, Stevens, and Ginsburg in Bush v. Gore.

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