busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

To be so busy, that you will never finish your job

"There is no way I can finish that too!" "Im busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!"

396👍 148👎

Walk it Out

When a dog shits and scoots at the same time, avoiding getting poo on the back of his legs. The turd hits the ground, then the dog lets his forward movement help ease it out. Can be followed with "buddy" if he is having a hard time.

Dog: Shitting in the front yard, but having a hard time getting it out.
Owner: "Walk it out buddy, walk it out."

73👍 125👎

southern engineer

To fix something by cobbeling together. Not only is duct tape a mainstay in the southern engineers tool box, but so is bailing wire. Typical uses for the bailing wire are any applications where welding would normally be used.

Jethro: "Hey Jim-Bob, my muffler is draggin and causing all sorts of racket".
Jim-Bob: "Git you some of dat bailin wiar and tie er up".
Jethro: "Good idea Jim-Bob, where is it at?"
Jim-Bob: "Over yonder, in ma tool box, under the duct tape".
Jethro: "Thank god you went to the Po-dunk A & M community college in Stump Jumperville and got your GED on that Southern Engineer course"!

41👍 8👎

Fruit Basket

See also Snowman....When a male tucks his nuts and dick in between his legs. Squeeze your legs so one nut is on top of the other with the penis tip being the apple and trhe nuts being rather hairy kiwi fruits.

My girlfriend was yelling at me, so when she walked around the corner, I had a fruit basket waiting for her!

148👍 79👎

two-ball compound

semen, nut butter, ball sauce

"She was complaining of a sore throat, so I doctored her up with some two-ball compound."

53👍 12👎

racing stripe

The poo stains left in your underware. Caused by not wiping your ass, not wiping your ass enough, or having a bubbler or shart in the middle of the day. The appearance is similar to the starting area of a drag racing strip, or the "wheels down" area on a runway.

Husband: Sweetie pie honey bunny, these underware are going to need some "special" attention.
Wife: My god, whats up with the racing stripe?
Husband: Had a bubbler after my Taco Bell lunch today.

70👍 33👎

burning a mule

The act of taking a shit. Has nothing to do with the smell or amount and consistancy of the material you are moving. It's just crapping.

Donna asked Kathleen to cover the phones while she was burning a mule.

83👍 10👎