canadian stoner

n. An "athlete" who participates in "curling" which, while not technically a sport, is a pasttime favoured by Canadians who have not discovered video games.

Heavy stones are flung randomly down an oblong blanket of ice and across a "tea" line. The game is a mix of marbles and cricket with the winner sometimes being decided in a draw.

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Hey Hoser! You are such a canadian stoner! Your inturned house-weight marble nudged my sweeper-stick and now I'm lying two.

I'm not lying. Why are you lying?

No. I said I was lying two. Not too.

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protiot

n. Protest march that turns into a riot.

Get your black balaclava and some bail money Dude; there's a protiot at the mosque site.

The protiot at Woodstck 3 was held after the music was over. How polite.

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respirate

v. type of deep breathing one does after strenuous exertion; speech is impossible, facial colour is poor, and pursuing footsteps can often be heard.

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I ...gotta ... respirate.

Respirate! Not now! You can respirate on the other side of that fence.

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setting the tea things out

v. phrase. British euphemism for going topless in public. Often used by the upper crust and royalty.

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I say Duchess! Do you judge it wise to be setting the tea things out so early in the afternoon?

Barleybone, you are such a toast browner.

corn brooming

v. keeping the path of one's friend or boss clear of obstacles. Originally used in ice curling to indicate the action of sweeping gravel, beer bottles and other debris off the action lane where the hammer rock is flung by the harrier.

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This is my birthday party so when we get to this club I am expecting to get a lot of corn brooming from you ladies.

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Hey. Could I get a little corn brooming here? This is only an important presentation.

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Red Deer

place. Sparklingly clean, relatively disease free city cleverly placed between Edmonton and Calgary in the hub of the buried oil and dinosaurs belt. Home to many of the prettiest nurses on the planet and home to more country themed bars than is really sensible.

Red Deer was visited after the last ice-age by successive waves of paleolithic settlers who "kicked the tires" a bit but continued south to found empires in Mexico and Peru. Fur traders and cartographers such as Anthony Henday and David Thompson visited the area but also moved on. Finally a city was founded by Leonard Gaetz, a failed minister and successful land speculator who convinced the local natives to live in reduced circumstances to the west.

Oil is present in abundance and the wealth from it, and from grain growing, cheese production, gravel sifting, and ashphalt storage enriches the populace and makes them feel special ... very special.

Curling bonspiels, hockey tournaments, travelling to warmer climates and endlessly discussing ski wax keep the locals amused through the long cold winters.

Summers are filled with street art festivals featuring clown juggling and, often, heavy drinking.

The Red Deer river cuts through rocky strata that hold thousands of dinosaur fossils that begin to lose their magic after you have seen an eyefull.

Do you want to visit Red Deer and see the latest T. rex skeleton?

Is it a siamese twin or something, because otherwise I'd rather catch the sled dog race on TV.

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Red Deer

place. Small Canadian city nestled between oil wells gushing rich prosperity onto the upturned faces of the throngs of happy citizens who have a tendency to thank God and vote slightly right wing. Rebels hockey rules in winter. Swatting flying bugs rules in summer. Dinosaurs are under the ground but they are deep enough that nobody gets hurt.

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Do you feel like going to Red Deer this weekend?

No. Not really.

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