Johnny Appleweed

n. Mythical man who plants dope wherever he sees a need. Sometimes in a forest glen. Sometimes in a businessman’s pocket.

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So you are telling me these reefers were put in your carry-on by someone named Johnny Appleweed?

Johnny Appleweed

n. mythical figure who travels about the land whistling Grateful Dead tunes and planting marijuana seeds.

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Dude! Look at what is coming up in the garden! I did not plant those man.

Looks like the work of Johnny Appleweed. Did you leave a bong under your pillow last week?

Gluten For Punishment

Message found on "Celiac Awareness Day" t-shirts, mugs, sacks of flour etc.

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Excuse me Del. Your leaky device is ruining my trousers. Why are you trying to write "Gluten For Punishment" on everyone's sandwich?

I'm increasing awareness of celiac disease.

And increasing cleaning bills. Where did you even get a mustard pen?

Dr. Science's Gadgetplex.

vanesserate

v. To perform efficiently and intelligently in one's vocation, sport etc.

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We can finish this slate of operations if we all vanesserate like crazy. But if we do get behind I want to see some ashleying.

monogamish

adj. Aiming for a stable relationship but open to something slutty.

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I am like, so tired of tramps. Are you monogomous?

Well... I’m monogamish.

2👍 8👎

trudough

n. Money paid to corrupt politicians.

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Canada has committed to putting an end to trudough.

Red Deer curling

v. Flinging heavy granite stones about while solidly drunk.

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Four more beer and I am going to put a bonspiel on my head and do me some Red Deer curling.