butt squirrel

"I'm complex, for totes" Originating from an extremely large head and increased self esteem from overly nice people, they describe themselves thoroughly as a "old fashioned" kind of girl. They're "sexually pure" though they suffer from chronic masturbation, while they enjoy flute, journalism, music theory, and loving their fake hipster ass. Basically, their pastime is having boys like them even though they deny most of them because of her "pureness" and "anti-sexual nature". Could be a model, should have genital warts. To sum it up, I'm an overly angered teenager, and she is just a plain fat butt squirrel that I roast for breakfast.

How did you get to be such a butt squirrel?