Sphincter Sinatra

one that loves to break wind and will do so anytime or anywhere (like a crooner that breaks into song in an old 40’s musical)

“Dude, plug that blow hole. Nobody wants to wants to hear your ‘Summer Wind’. Don’t be a sphincter Sinatra.”

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Waning Mullet

a man’s hairstyle that is bald on the top but with long stringy hair hanging over the collar in the back (elderhostel up front, party in the back)

This is a modification of the 80’s mullet. It is worn by the diehard that refuses to give up the long hair that he sported back in high school.

Bob: Did you see Jim Rickards on Fox Business talking about the demise of the US Dollar?
Dave: Is that the guy with the waning mullet?
Bob: Yeah, that’s him.

barnacle

verb

to attach or adhere to something (can be either literal or figurative), like the crustacean of the same name that attaches itself to the hull of a ship

“I walked into one of those high-end stores on Rodeo Drive and I was amazed at how few products were on display. The floorspace was wide open. I guess they need all that open room to house the army of sales associates that stand ready to barnacle their lips to your keister.”

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snorked

past tense form of the verb “snork” which means to spit a jackfruit seed into a tuba from the balcony of the Metropolitan Opera (Needless to say, this term doesn’t see a whole lot of foot traffic.)

It was ‘96 when a crazy Aussie from Poowong North, Vic was challenged by his mates to spit a melon seed into a tuba from the balcony of the Metropolitan Opera on his upcoming junket to NYC. After practicing for weeks, spitting into a bucket from a eucalyptus tree, he asked for one allowance. The melon seed didn’t have sufficient heft to go the estimated distance. He was granted the use of a jackfruit seed. He then honed his skill until he had the precision of a sniper, “one shot, one kill”. On the night of the event, he and his wife (referee) took their seats nearest the stage on the third balcony. He sat through Giordano’s “Andrea Chenier” biding his time, waiting for just the right moment to do the deed and slink off into the night without being caught. The moment came at the very end of the performance when the audience cheered in appreciation for the talents of Pavarotti. He hurled that jackfruit seed with all the power he could generate from his manbag and then doubled over in a feigned hacking fit to disguise his action while his wife followed it to its intended target…and bingo! There have been no other “known” attempts. “Snorking” was never used until his triumphant return to Poowong North when one of his mates coined the term while fumbling through a toast in his honor.

Orchestra member: Say, Bob…I noticed that you missed that high note in the last stanza.
Bob: Yeah, I got snorked again.

Jiffy Wiz

A period of time. It is derived from the computer term jiffy, which is a clock (computer) dependent interval of time. It is so short that hundreds of thousand could pass and a human couldn’t even sense it. From the human perspective, with any passage of time the jiffies would just wiz by, hence the term “jiffy wiz”.

Usage:
"I gotta squat for a jiffy wiz in The Gran Manzana and I've been head sparkin’ ‘bout pounding that Coney fillet in a twee fire-in-the-hole.
The dewclaws are up. Ya wanna draft my flivver?
Bang the pipes by 5:00 or hold peace.”

Translation:
"I’ve got a layover in New York City and was thinking about getting a hotdog in a quaint restaurant.
I’m enthusiastic. Do you want to come along?
Call me by 5:00 or it will be too late."

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pounding

To eat or drink (Often times this denotes eating/drinking fast but this is not always the case.)

Usage:
"I gotta squat for a jiffy wiz in The Gran Manzana and I've been head sparkin’ ‘bout pounding that Coney fillet in a twee fire-in-the-hole.
The dewclaws are up. Ya wanna draft my flivver?
Bang the pipes by 5:00 or hold peace.”

Translation:
"I’ve got a layover in New York City and was thinking about getting a hotdog in a quaint restaurant.
I’m enthusiastic. Do you want to come along?
Call me by 5:00 or it will be too late."

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Squeeze Burger

An adorably cute dog (cat, person, etc.) that you have an irresistible urge to snuggle.

"Come here girl! Come on! That's it! Who's a good doggie? You are. Oh yes you are. You are so cute, you little squeeze burger."

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