Falutin-free

(from Highfalutin-free) A product or culinary creation’s optimal state of existence that avoids crossing the threshold into being unnecessarily complicated or exotically flavorful as to diminish the maker’s intended experience for the consumer, which is to deliver the expected purpose or sensory stimulation. The term was coined by comedian, Adam Carolla, on “The Adam Carolla Show” podcast(January 23, 2014).

Stewardess(Over PA): On today’s flight, we will be serving a pomegranate, thyme and goat-cheese pizza with a side avocado and mango salad tossed in passion fruit vinaigrette OR a turkey sandwich.

(minutes later)

Stewardess: Which would you like, sir?

Adam: Can you tell me about the turkey sandwich?

Stewardess: Sir?

Adam: Well I’d just like to know if it’s falutin-free or if the chef who made it was jacking off, you know, like he did with the pizza.

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mangria

A strong, alcoholic drink that radio host, Adam Carolla, concocts using leftover red wine, preferably Sledgehammer, and Jeremiah Weed’s 90 Proof Cherry Mash Bourbon. Amounts vary, but usually the addition of the Bourbon is an act of desperation meant to prolong the inebriation and therefore constitutes the majority of the mixed drink.

Nothing beats watching SportsCenter and sipping some homemade mangria...ah, delightful.

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whore-so

A lady of the night who lacks any penetrable orifices(vagina, anus, or mouth) and thus fails to provide any contribution to society. She is essentially just a torso who has outlived her use. Only in rare circumstances does she go on to become a motivational speaker or crusader for women's rights. The term was originally coined by Bryan Bishop on an episode of "The Adam Carolla Show"(5/14/13) during a segment of "Who the F Sells This S?" when the gang talks to a seller of empty liquor bottles. Adam Carolla, a notorious alcoholic, notes how the nature of an empty bottle robs the consumer of the brewers' intended enjoyment, i.e. imbibition/intoxication. Adam then likens it to a prostitute without a vagina. Newsgirl, Alison Rosen, adds the condition of said sex worker lacking any other useful orifices and reduces her to a torso. Sound Effects guy, Bryan Bishop, actually coins the term however.

(Richard Gere, driving a lamborghini, pulls up to a mouthless, torso of a whore resembling Julia Roberts)

Richard: How much for the night?

Julia: (muffled talking)

----You get the idea-----

Cue Roy Orbison's "Pretty Woman"

whore-so

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Window of negligence

The time period when a dereliction of duty occurs. Often, an ordinarily prudent member of an organization who normally exercises the level of care generally required for their position, will request that a window of negligence be granted by their superior due to time constraints or logistical complications. The partaker, in essence, is asking for a limited-time exemption from their expected responsibilities or in some cases, after dereliction has already occurred, leniency from their superior in regards to punishment for said subpar job performance that would’ve taken place within the window. The phrase was coined by Matt Fondiler on the 4/19/16 episode of “The Adam Carolla Show.”

INT. BRIDGE OF TITANIC – APRIL 14, 1912 02:40 GMT

(Captain rushes onto the bridge)

Captain: What was that scraping sound I heard while I was in the bathroom?

First mate: Sir, I think we hit an iceberg.

Captain: You think?! Weren’t you at the helm?

First mate: Er…uh…

Captain: Well weren’t you?!!

Second mate: I know where he was Captain.

First mate: You fink!!

Second mate: I may be a fink but at least I’m not some sexual deviant who gets his rocks off watching scrawny, working-class lads plow Rubenesque socialites in the backs of Renault CB Coupe de Villes down in the cargo hold.

First mate: I was merely protecting our passengers’ property.

Second mate: Yeah, then why was your dick in your hand?

Captain: Enough!! This is clearly my fault.

First mate: Now now, Captain.

Captain: No, I should’ve given you a smaller window of negligence while I dropped the Cosby kids off at the pool.

First mate: Cosby?

Captain: He’s a negro rapist in the future who played a beloved pussy doctor on telev---Nevermind that. Ready the lifeboats!

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Gerbilville

A condition where a man reaches the pinnacle of sexual conquest that leaves his penis so insatiable that his only option is a lateral move involving inserting gerbils into his rectum for a thrill. It was coined by Adam Carolla(aided by Alison Rosen) on his podcast, "The Adam Carolla Show" on 9/20/12.

The second that Richard Gere finished blowing his wad in a breathtaking, 27-year-old Cindy Crawford, he had bought himself a one-way ticket to Gerbilville.

Jheri curl-mandering

A redistricting strategy made famous during the period in the late 1980's, when the Democratic Party moved geographic boundaries of an electoral district in California to include predominantly black-populated areas(South Central Los Angeles, Inglewood, Compton) in an effort to concentrate African American voters sporting the popular greasy hairstyle of the day, thus using 'packing' tactics to insure a constituency that would elect congressional representatives who also sported the couch-ruining do. The term for this strategy remained unnamed for nearly 30 years until comedian Adam Carolla coined it on his podcast, “The Adam Carolla Show”(Episode aired November 3, 2015.).

Congresswoman Maxine Waters may believe the science is still out on the morning after pill but she's definitely a student of the science of Jheri curl-mandering. Tracking sales of Soul Glo in order to target the perfect constituency was a flash of genius on the Democratic Party's part.

worthday

An alternative to the traditionally celebrated birthday where the basis of celebration is instead derived from the anniversary of one's greatest lifetime achievement. An individual usually begins to celebrate the event after the age of eighteen since that's generally when they start "making their bones." Naturally, the date of celebration can vary, owing to the fact that new achievements can supersede past ones. For this reason, worthdays later in life pay tribute to very impressive achievements and are therefore more meaningful than their birthday counterpart. The term was coined by Adam Carolla on "The Adam and Dr. Drew Show" on June 8, 2013 with inspiration from Matt "The Porcelain Punisher" Fondiler.

Matt: Happy Birthday Aceman! What are you, 50?

Adam: Nope, 49.

Matt: What an achievement.

Adam: Achievement?!! Winning the 2012 Celebrity Toyota Grand Prix and then coming back the following year and winning it in the Pro Category. That's an achievement. Creating a Podcasting Empire. That's an achievement. Inventing my own signature wine cocktail, Mangria, which did over 2 million in sales last year.

Matt: Achie-(interrupted)

Adam: Achievement! You're goddamn right. But nobody celebrates that.

Matt: Well for what's it worth-(interrupted)

Adam: Worth? Eureka, P.P. You clodhopping commode crusher. You've just given me an idea. Let's celebrate days worthy of celebration. We'll call them worthdays.

Matt: I shall go chisel it into the tablets immediately.

Adam: Oh, Matt, one more thing. I approved your raise. Happy... worthday!

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