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A strong, alcoholic drink that radio host, Adam Carolla, concocts using leftover red wine, preferably Sledgehammer, and Jeremiah Weedâs 90 Proof Cherry Mash Bourbon. Amounts vary, but usually the addition of the Bourbon is an act of desperation meant to prolong the inebriation and therefore constitutes the majority of the mixed drink.
Nothing beats watching SportsCenter and sipping some homemade mangria...ah, delightful.
93👍 42👎
The member of a hispanic family whose wages supply its livelihood. Coined by Adam Carolla on "The Adam Carolla Show" on September 1, 2015.
Jose: Mujer! Donde esta mi cerveza?
Consuela: Que?
Jose: My beer, woman! Didn't you go to the supermercado?
Consuela: Si, si.
Jose: So you bought my Corona?
Consuela: No...no.
Jose: Dammit woman, I bust my chepa down at the plant everyday to put food on this table. And all I ask is for something to wash it down with, maybe get a little borracho while watching ESPN Deportes. Is that too much to ask?
Consuela: No...no. Tu eres el "breadwinner."
Jose: Dammit woma- Oh, you agree with me. Though we're not really much of a "bread" family but point taken. (looks in fridge) Well, at least you got tortillas. I guess that makes me a (chuckles) tortillawinner.
Consuela: No...No. That's incredibly racist.
Removing the rope climb from the gym class curriculum rather than shaming the four fat kids who can't climb it. Often used as a metaphor for the pussification of America by comedian Adam Carolla.
Santa Monica could really crack down on the homeless but instead they're just taking the rope down and letting them continue to urinate in our parks.
13👍 9👎
A professional who specializes in a system of therapy that involves treating the patient, often suffering from a personality disorder, with a dose of common-sensical advice aimed at adjusting said character flaws. This is usually done by questioning their motivations and career/financial goals while refraining from practicing negative reinforcement or punishment. Most patients resist and therefore continue down their current destructive path. Coined by Superfan Giovanni Giorgio on the Adam Carolla Show(1/17/13).
Adam Carolla: Hey Tara, when you screen the calls for tonight's Loveline, can you limit the suicide ones, please?
(Tara laughs while watching "The Simpsons" on TV)
Adam Carolla: HEY!! Let's focus. You've got a job to do. Now I was saying I'd like less-
Tara: You're not my boss!!
Adam Carolla: Whoa, someone's in desperate need of an emotional chiropractor.
10👍 5👎
A non-viable, premature baby. Coined by Adam Carolla on his podcast(1/18/13).
Pat: Did you hear, Megan Shanahan had another miscarriage?
Connor: Aye, can't say I'm surprised.
Pat: Why's that?
Connor: She snaps Irish footballs every other month.
Pat: Yeah, ya really gotta stop knocking her up.
Connor: Aye, probably should stop coming home bleeding drunk and beating her within an inch of her life as well.
(drunken Irish laughter as they clink glasses)
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The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
20👍 5👎
A Jew(Hebrew) who has been contracted by a goy to assemble Christmas gifts that do not come prefabricated. Though the Gentile client, usually an affluent father, has the competency to construct said gifts for his children on Christmas morn, he is often too hung over from the previous nightâs eggnog consumption to have the patience and/or focus to follow the complex instructions. This is where the Semite comes into play. Because of the unimportance of the Christian holiday to the Judeo-contractor, he is available, clear-headed, and willing to work for a reasonable price. Well, reasonable according to his peopleâs standards. I mean, if you wanted to find a Jewish tradesman that didnât gouge the goyim, youâd have to build a time machine and travel back to Jesus times. Anyway, Adam Carolla coined it on January 4, 2016 on the "Adam Carolla Show."
Crafty Jews Inc. employee: Crafty Jews, let us work while you snooze.
Adam: Hi, Iâm Adam Carolla. I saw your ad in the âRich Whitey Gazette.â
CJ employee: Yes, how may I help you, sir?
Adam: Well Iâd like to hire someone to put up a zipline in my backyard for my 9-year-old daughter? Now your Jews, are they mechanically inclined?
CJ employee: Sir, all our guys are Hebus Erectus Certified. We import the finest laborers from Israel.
Adam: Thatâs good. âCause the last thing I need is one of those domesticated, Woody Allen-type Jews coming over here.
CJ employee: Sir, I can assure you, we would never send a Woody Allen-type Jew where there are prepubescent girls. We will send the most blue-collared, salt of the Earth Jew we can find. Think Bruce Springsteen.
Adam: Well you know, heâs not Jewish. You guys always claim him as one of your own butâ¦uh
CJ employee: Ok, well weâve got one that looks like Eli Roth.
Adam: Jesus, I want a zipline put up, not my children to be beaten to death with a baseball bat.
CJ employee: Ok, ok. Hmm, well you bring up baseball? We have a guy built like Sandy Koufax, smart as Einstein.
Adam: Thatâs my guy. Send him over, Christmas morn at 8.
CJ employee: Will do Mr. Carolla. Thank you for choosing us for your Hebus Erectus needs.
Adam: Well you are the Chosen people.
CJ employee: Ha, you sure youâre not a Jew?
Adam: To be honest, Iâve got two Jews here passing me jokes on Post-Its. Theyâre part of your Hebus Punch-up-us line.
carolla