Cigarette

1) A valid reason to argue with someone. 2) A delicious taste of death in a stick. 3) Something you are required to do in the military. 4) Stress relief from the assholes who tell you smoking is bad.

Mr. No-Smoke, "You know, smoking will kill you."
Me, "Yeah, I have a theory on that. The average lifespan of a human is nearing 100 years old and I refuse to regress back to childhood."
Mr. No-Smoke, "what does that have to do with smoking a cigarette?"
Me, "It means that I'm killing myself slightly quicker in order to be able to wipe my own ass until my dying day."

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