dildate

The act of using a dildo.

"Chrissie dildated herself for close to an hour before she could make herself cum. Bitch was asshole naked bent over my couch. It was pretty wild, I think the is taking the breakup with Toddrick really bad. But hey, free show right? Yeah I'll ask Toddrick about getting her pots and pans back."

14👍 3👎

brither

Similar to a FIP, this is the basic cable maneuver to simulate moving a girl in to doggy style position. Performed while wearing a cocksheath due to stringent censors, much care has to be taken to affect nudity while actually being in a room full of key grips, boom mic operators, hollywood hopefuls, and coked up starlets.

"Fred 'tough stuff' McGill never could get his brither routine straight, he ruined more footage with his pendulous cocksheathed wang than any other softcore actor in the industry."

27👍 12👎

October Surprise

A sex act performed during mediocre and depressing congress where one partner at the last minute produces a hidden dildonic device such as a godemiche or olisbos with the intent of stimulating their partner enough to compensate for the previous lack of skill.

Connie, not getting the usual response from performing a blumpkin and concerned about re-election, attempted to stimulate the constituents anus with a previously hidden vibrating George Bush buttplug. Sufficiently October Surprised, the constituent ejaculated all over Connie's face, ensuring 4 more years of hard core unforgiving fissure tearing ass pounding. God bless America.

32👍 86👎

shotgun fade

Similar to the shotgun mouthwash technique of dental cleanliness, a shotgun fade is the fastest haircut ever, and the last one you will ever need.

"Oh shit did you hear Qais got a shotgun fade? His hair looks tight but his face is kind of messed up. Yeah I can give you a ride to the funeral, no problem man. Yeah your sister and I are still not talking I don't really know what to do about her anymore anyway."

19👍 5👎

Squat and Gobble

Carnival sex act where you pack your consenting partners ass with honey and potato chips, tie their hands behind their back with carnival rope, and lower them into a bathtub full of debeaked turkeys. The carny must then squat down and masturbate to climax using anything they can capture with their knees before being untied.

For a man with six fingers on two hands, Carl is the best squat and gobble carny in five states. I once saw him dispatch a king size jacuzzi worth of turkeys in ten minutes, and I think one of the turkeys fell in love!

43👍 42👎

cowboy mouth

Dangerous gay sex act where you kick your partner in the balls while throat fucking, simulating a bucking bronco. Sometimes performed with the aid of a tether attached to the ballsack of the bottom, and sometimes performed with the ballsack of the top fully inside the partners mouth alongside the penis before kicking.

Ennis kicked Jack so hard in the ballsack performing a good cowboy mouth that he accidentally bit through and ruptured some of Ennis' seminiferous tubules. It required medical attention, but they both realized their kind of love was never going to need virile, potent, life giving spermatozoa that normal love requires. They both wept in each others arms, tenderly.

17👍 19👎

unwow

The flaccid-penis inducing realization that your Wow-Meter is miscalibrated to the degree that random Youtube videos of soda bottles make you deliriously happy, only to have your boner reduced to limp linguine in a matter of seconds.

"I enjoyed that youtube clip so much!" "Yeah totally fake dude!" "Oh crap my boner! UNWOW!"

13👍 3👎