Justin

Justin is the sweatiest guy you'll ever meet. He's always overheating, kind of an asshole, and never fails to be a fair weather friend, no matter how much you need him. He likes to make bad dad jokes and bad life decisions, but never fails to laugh at his own jokes. His life is a dark comedy, but like a low budget one. Justin gets angry when he's hungry, when he walks up stairs his ankles make clicking sounds, and his only talent is that his penis floats in the bathtub. He's surely the least beautiful person inside and out. He cares a lot about every animal in his life, which makes him a wonderful cat janitor.

Justin is facetious enough to plagiarize the most popular Justin definition and turn every compliment into a ridiculously false insult. I love Justin and his floating penis.