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Random
The token midget at every Asda store. They are employed not only to pacify the Equal Opportunities brigade but also because they're really good at getting tins that have rolled under the shelves.
Dad, why is that little boy working on the checkout?
That's no boy, that's the Asda midget. Every store has one.
39π 12π
A snot-coloured hi-viz jacket worn by fat ugly security guards who are terrified of rain. The Pork Scotch Jacket will be worn whatever the weather because the slightest bit of rain is a complete catastrophe to the fat bastard who cries himself to sleep wishing he was back in South Africa where his boyfriends live.
What's this fat old twat wearing? Looks like an overcoat made of snot.
Its a Pork Scotch Jacket. Although its a hundred degrees in the shade there's still a chance a drop of rain might come along to ruin the fat ugly bastard's year.
43π 2π
A fucking ugly bitch who goes out with the Porky Scotcher.
Who's the goofy cow taking a shit in the white van?
That's the girlfriend of the Porky Scotcher.
Fucking ugly bitch.
313π 157π
A supermarket checkout assistant with a huge bony ridge on his forehead like a Klingon.
Monkus: Dad! Klingon alert!
Dad: Don't worry, its only Daniel Lumphead. Its David the Grunting Spacker you need to worry about.
Monkus: Shit, this place is full of retards.
138π 29π
A filthy bog in Nogtard's garden which is just asking to be put on the back of a Maltby lorry.
Nogtard's Bog will very soon be a close friend of Pork Scotch's Cone.
Nogtard: Nicking me bog then?
60π 4π
A barbecue made out of a rusty barrel cut in half. Also known as a Pork Scotch Oven this shitty type of barbecue is most commonly used by little fat men with horrifically ugly girlfriends.
Thought you said the little twat had a barbecue.
Its over there, look. A half-barrel barbecue. Its a barbecue for complete losers.
46π 10π
The vehicle of the Porky Scotcher's mother which the important security guard takes her out in. This chair has appeared in comedy photographs taken by Monkus and Mickus.
Quick Monk, get in the Scotchy Mother's Wheelchair before Goofy Granny gets back and I'll take a photo.
69π 40π