Jobby

A job so wonderful, it's more like a hobby.

Jane loves her Jobby, because she is an ice cream taster.

9👍 10👎

Stage Fright

The time-freezing effect which occurs when you speak to someone through a bathroom door.

Telling them to hurry up will only prolong the experience.

You: Hurry up, we have to go already!
They: Stage Fright.
You: Damned Freelance Bladder, we're only going around the corner.

16👍 9👎

Health & Safety Numbchucks

A two-player game, where participants open four bottles of wine to acquire their corks, then drink all of them whilst pretending to be Bruce Lee.

Requires two corks & a cable-tie per set.

Used for micro battles where the traditional Nunchaku are prohibited by the Health & Safety Executive.

Best played when another more dangerous pursuit get's cancelled for some trivial reason.

Dude 1: Hey, the rain's too heavy for basejumping… wanna fill time with Health & Safety Numbchucks until it let's off a bit?
Dude 2: Yeaaaah, Bro.

8👍 9👎

Why?

An much overused question, usually with a really obvious answer.

They: 'She left me for a Barrister… Why?'
You: 'Because you an a Barista'

22👍 6👎

EntrepreNERD

An enterprising individual, whose superior technical ability often clouds the presentation to 'normal people' of an otherwise inspiring solution to a frequently infuriating problem.

Steve: "If you just tweak this bit of code, then..."
Human: "Dude! You're such an EntrepreNERD. How DID you know that?"
Steve: "RTFM"

(Note: The use of the name 'Steve' is not directed at a specific individual, but the name does crop-up so frequently in IT, it's uncanny...)

41👍 16👎

Windows FP

Windows FP (aka: Windows Fisher Price), is the successor to Windows 2000.

Also known as 'Windows XP'. This was the last stand of a dying corporation to save itself, from itself. The interface was designed by the team who delivered the Apple Macintosh almost twenty years earlier, but is neither as stable, nor as easy to use.

Windows FP was seen by many as an attempt to make the Windows OS more Mac-like. However, with a GUI incapable of smooth transitions, the results appear more like melted-candy corn than the inimitable Mac OS X that it tries so hard to be.

Visual cues apparently have been taken from the local kindergarden. Everything is either big, lurid, or unnecessary (sometimes all three). Plagued with problems throughout, it's party-piece was it's ability to crash all by itself.

Me: "Dude, is that your lil' bro's toy you rollin'?"
You: "No dude, it's my new Windows FP"

25👍 19👎

Paint the Rainbow

The art of embellishment. A re-inventive shakedown, where the speaker aims to convince the listener of something clearly untoward.

Speaker: My <something> is <enter something inflammatory here>

Listener: Wicked! Sound great, butt-cha can't Paint the rainbow y'all?

33👍 14👎