Brought Presence

The best thing to say when you discover it's a Birthday Party & didn't bring a present!

Girl: Hey, where's my present?
Boy: Er, I Brought Presence?
Girl: Yah… tightwad.

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Export

An export is a pint sanctioned by a beloved local. Unlike a regular pint, this one is endorsed by the pub, who are entirely happy that you take it home with you, glass and all.

It must be noted that with power comes great responsibility. The glass must be returned within a 24 hour period, lest said privileges be revoked.

Should a member of staff ever question the loyalty of an export beneficiary, his/her door keys must be offered to whomever asks, with an invitation to check said home for unreturned glasses. If a single pub glass is found, said folk be barred for a month.

You: 'What time are you closing tonight?'
Host: 'In twenty minutes'
You: 'May I have a pint now… and an export for later?'
Host: 'Certainly'

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However

To the layman, it's an alternative to but. However, the connotations of but are wholly negative, whereas however provides an Icarus from the ashes.

Use it sparingly, use it well.

She: 'I must profess I have a big butt. However, it's as shapely as the legend of bootylicious, therefore you must worship.'
You: indeed.

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IT

What a non-technical person uses to describe anything and everything computer related.

They: 'IT doesn't work'
They: 'I installed IT and then the screen went blank. Why?'
They: 'He works in IT'

You (laughing inside): 'Have you turned IT off and back on again?'

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Freelance Beard

Excessive hair growth which appears between formal meetings as a direct result of Freelancer's not having any real need to shave.

Can also apply to women, who then disguise it by wearing jeans.

You: Growing a beard?
They: Nope, it's a Freelance Beard. I'll shave it off before I meet my client next Tuesday.
You: Nice.

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Heh heh heh...

Four-finger input statement for an infinite choice of responses and/or triggers.

They: saying anything at all really, doesn't matter what as long as you can back-up your reasoning
You: 'Heh heh heh...'
They: 'indeed'

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outsourcing

cheating on your partner, typically when your current partner doesn't give you what you need.

buddy: 'outsourcing again?'
he: 'yeah, she swallows...'

also,

buddy: 'outsourcing again?'
she: 'yeah, he has a car'

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