Its called Snickers now, Lovey!

The flaming homosexual's response when someone says "I feel like I've run a marathon".

Exhausted person: I feel like I've run a marathon.

Shirtlifter: Its called Snickers now, Lovey!

217👍 31👎

Pork Scotch pizza

The world's finest pizza topping. The pizza of choice of fat security guards it consists of a Marguerita pizza topped with pork and gravy.

Why is that security guard so fucking fat?

You'd be fat if you ate 3 Pork Scotch pizzas every day.

247👍 56👎

Goofy Granny Wagon

The worst type of Granny Wagon in the world. A shitty little red toilet on wheels driven by a hideous old gargoyle with teeth like green surfboards.

Sweet Jesus! A gargoyle driving a toilet!

Oh shit, its the Goofy Granny Wagon. Piss off you foul dentist dodger!

39👍 2👎

King of West Bridgford

Title adopted by a little fat twat who considers himself the most important person in his home town. The rotund monarch waddles slowly around wearing homosexual sandals, shorts and shades. His Queen is a repulsive dragon with teeth like surfboards. She doesn't understand a word you say because the massive weight of the teeth causes stress in the brain. The royal couple are universally despised and are frequently the victims of monkeyish pranks.

Flobule: Dad, what time are we going to Asda?

Dad: Don't know. I'll have to ask the King of West Bridgford. You need his permission to do things.

Flobule: That's right. We must respect our leader.

186👍 66👎

Mr Interesting

Ironic name for a tedious individual who believes himself to be the most interesting thing around. Mr Interestings tend to be fat security guards with ugly girlfriends. They drone on and on about the most inconsequential things and expect their audience to be rivetted.

Oh shit, here comes Mr Interesting.

And his repulsive girlfriend.

Let's run before they collar us. Once that boring bastard starts talking we can kiss goodbye to the whole fucking week.

189👍 20👎

Porky-Talkie

A walkie-talkie carried by fat security guards.

Hey look at the fat guy with the walkie-talkie!

I think you'll find that's a porky-talkie. They're especially for fat ugly security guards like Pork Scotch.

214👍 62👎

Pork Scotch friends

Imaginary friends. People who simply don't exist. A bit like Facebook friends. Named for the fact that Pork Scotch has no friends at all because he is such a complete twat.

Monk: So who's coming to this barbecue then? Pork Scotch's friends?

Dad: You're talking stupid. Pork Scotch doesn't have any friends. He has Pork Scotch friends.

35👍 5👎