lobotomy

a quick treatment for mental disorders that gets right to the point

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

79👍 111👎

stalking

How to show that you really love her

When you're stalking, a restraining order is just another way of saying "I love you too."

651👍 347👎

keeping it real

it's all about racial authenticity

Wonder what Clarence Thomas does about keeping it real? That'd be pretty funny.......Yo.

20👍 107👎

heiny

1. childish euphimism for buttocks

Possibly from the German word "hinder" (to prevent) as in prevent ass kickings; cover your hinder.

2. an overpriced beer from Holland

Your skid marks and itchy butt don't just happen kids. You need to wipe better. Don't wipe your heiny with your underpants!

Hey dere, why are you drinking Heiny? Doncha know that the best beers in the world are made made in a Merica?

117👍 76👎

brolly

umbrella
Bumbershoot sounds too affected.

I'd been needing a larger brolly for months, since our others had all fallen apart, as umbrellas, especially cheap ones, often do. When I saw that one in the lost and found I was all over it faster than Marion Jones on steroids.

213👍 62👎

Hugh Hefner

the founding publisher of Playboy and booster of the sexual revolution

The smartest thing Hugh Hefner did was establishing his image as an urbane sophisticate who got all the chics. Imagine how much less successful he would have been if he instead depicted himself as a solitary masturbator.

464👍 158👎

Australian cleavage

Exposed skin on the "down under" side of the breast such as under an extremely short crop top.

The cheerleaders had super hot outfits that flashed Australian cleavage whenever they shook their pompoms over their heads.

282👍 57👎