platypus

half duck half beaver looking thing, who’s also a secret spy and wear a cool hat.

doofenshmirtz: wait! who are u!....platypus? PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!

oof

when someone tells you some wack shit and you dont know how to answer

friends: my boyfriend got me pregnant and dipped
me: oof

half a virgin

when you’ve done everything besides actual sex

friend: so me and Alex hooked up last night

me: OMG does that mean you’re not a virgin anymore?
friend: i’m half a virgin, his dick didn’t go in

45👍 4👎

Kaitlynn

Sometimes a dumb bitch but overall a great friend, ten out of ten would recommend being her kids' godmother

YOU: i need me a nice bitch
GOOGLE: did you mean: Kaitlynn?

Accident

You

Aaron: mommy what is the worst accident that happened?
Mom: You honey, You

15👍 3👎