Rylan

Rylan is the guy who sits more than 5 feet apart from the other guy in the hot tub.
Rylan eats mad grub and takes fat dubs
They are generally very cool and athletic and they like Bingo With Old Men. Why? You tell me.
Rylans get no girls but all the guys.
Rylans like balls of all assortments, such as volleyballs, basketballs, footballs, manballs, etc.

-"Rylan, I like your grub!"
- "Thanks. I got it yesterday. Now leave me alone, I have balls to play with."