Popeyeing of the forearm

a condition usually found in single men who spend so much time 'pleasing themselves in the Boy area' that their right arm over develops severely, like one of Popeye's arms...or a fiddler Crab

man: Doc, you got to help me, I can't get my shirt sleeve over my arm its so swollen.
Doc: I'm afraid young man that you have developed "Popeyeing of the forearm"
man:is it curable?
Doc: try not to wank your nutsack flat every night and shag someone instead, that'll sort it.

shit in my hands and clap

Sarcastic Reply.
when asked to do something unpleasant or tedious, this response sums up how horrid you think that task is- and you are not going to do it .

Teacher: Smith, can you help me to hand out these excercise books to the rest of the class?
Smith: no chance...I'd rather shit in my hands and clap. Sir.

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COTMANHAY MONEY

shoplifting, named after a small town in Derbyshire England famed for its population of thieves, tramps, drug addicts and 'chavs'

man 1 'where did you get the cash to buy all those cans of lager?'
man 2 'no body was watching so I used Cotmanhay Money in the beer-off '

Donkey Dropper

A very High Ball, bowled in Cricket
The bowler sends a ball down the crease but lets the ball loose at the top of his swing, resulting in a very high 'full toss' type ball, coming down on the Batsman's head, often a No Ball.
Defined so as it comes out of the sky so fast that if it hit a donkey on the head it would knock it out.

the opposite of a 'P-Roller' which goes along the ground towards the batsman's feet.

'England require four runs to take the game in the ninth over before tea here at Edgbaston. Lilley makes his run up and... Oh No he's sent it high, its a real Donkey Dropper, Brearley has his hands over his head, its coming down fast...with snow on it'

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POLONY TREKKING

yet another name for sexual intercourse, derived from the British word for Boloney (Polony) which sounds like 'Pony' British Polony is a curled red cooked meat sausage available from the butchers. Pony Trekking- a popular equestrian activity.

On observing a saddle sore woman at a show jumping event:
man 1:"look at her, she can hardly walk'
man 2 :'I bet she spent the whole night polony trekking'

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Sack Off

Mild substitue for the stronger 'fuck off', used by kids in the 1970's Derbyshire playgrounds if in earshot of 'the dinnerlady'.
similar in use to the Aussie 'Rack Off'

The word 'sack' replaces 'fuck' in other uses:
Sack All - nothing
Sackin' Ada - 'kin'ell.. an exclamation of surprise
Sack it off - to get rid of or finish (also Sack it)

Sacked Off - fed up with or bored with or pissed off with

eg1:
kid 1 "who's brock me pencil, was it you?"
Kid 2 "Sack Off, I ant ad it"

eg 2:
Kid 1 'Gizza Chip mate?'
Kid 2 'An you can Sack off an all Get yer own chips'

Alternative 'clean' Lyrics to 'Its so Easy' by Guns 'n' Roses

"I see you standin' there, you think you're so cool
Why don't you just...
Sack Off!"

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MAKE YOUR TABS LAUGH

Derbyshire Slang:

This describes a substance that is particularly strong tasting or bitter (like lemons or popping candy). the phrase comes from the face pulled when tasting such substance, tabs in this case being a slang word for 'ears'. (also, in Derbyshire this phrase would be pronounced 'meck yer tabs laugh')

Man 1'Whats that you eating?'
Man 2' Raw Lemon'
Man 1' blimey mate if you suck on that much longer, that'll make your tabs laugh'.

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