boner control

An action or mental tactic used to suppress a raging erection: most commonly used to prolong intercourse, or hide a boner in public.

As I lay next to Lori, exhausted and carefree, I reluctantly shared the secret to my long lasting lovemaking: the haunting image of Sheila running down the high school halls; her hands cupped behind her pants, her face contorted in helpless submission, her frizzled hair dewey with perspiration, her animal-like wild shrieking, and her frantic and fervid, yet continually unsuccessful attempts to find a bathroom before tragedy struck: yes, you could make a strong case I had more boner control than everyone besides Matthew Broderick.

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