Award Tour

A blitzkrieg-like celebratory jaunt of licking, sucking, and fucking where the total length of tour is predetermined to avoid headaches, inconveniences, or heartache.

That bitch is moving away and I've got an old lady too so we set up an Award Tour from October to November to keep that shit simple and tight.

35👍 10👎

loudest man in the room

Probably the weakest fucking dude in the room

"Look at his gear. Fucking guy struts around like he's Nicky Barnes and shit because he can move some fucking weight."

"You know what they say about the loudest man in the room, right?"

"Yup. Mr. Lucas, you want me to take care of this?"

"Tomorrow. If he doesn't want the Blue Magic - it ends now."

22👍 12👎

stairway in a grandfather clock

A total upset. One of the biggest surprises you've seen in a long time. Like discovering Ma'am and George had a secret passage to upstairs for Webster, hidden away inside a faux grandfather clock.

"Wait a second. So you're telling me Ivy is a dude???"

"I slid off her pants and...fuck. I think I'm going to be sick again."

"She didn't have a bulge or anything?"

"Nope. Like a fucking stairway in a grandfather clock...ugh...I'm going to hurl again."

24👍 5👎

Usual Suspects ending

Shit - you never saw that one coming.

"She's going to save herself till marriage?"

"Yup."

"But she looks like a pornstar. She always shows off her tits, and flirts, and flaunts it!"

"I know it's like the Usual Suspects ending."

"Fuck. I'd dump her if I were you. Dirty cock tease."

66👍 28👎

toonces

When you've got absolutely no fucking shot anyway - what the hell? - you may as well let a cat drive your car.

"But she's the hottest girl in school. And you're a pee wee. And have a shitload of acne. And halitosis. And barely weigh 100 pounds soaking wet."

"Yeah - I know it's toonces, but I still need a date to prom anyway."

45👍 30👎

hung like a toddler

When a cock is so microscopic, it barely juts out of the skin, much like that of a small boy whose balls have yet to descend.

"Listen to that motherfucker yell across the room. That dude wants everyone to notice him."

"I bet that fucking dude is hung like a toddler or some shit."

"Yup, yup. Total buster."

15👍 14👎

Penciled in

Someone who has been scheduled for a fuck.

"You busy tonight?"

"Yeah sorry. I've penciled in Kristin for an hour before work."

"Cool. That chick is a total freak."

"Yup, yup."

64👍 27👎