Jamesernaut

Closely related to humans, this beast is believed to descend from a cross between apes and some form of yeti. It has an insatiable lust for women and food, and is known to consume enough alcohol to tranquilize a rhinoceros. It has unpredictable behavior and has never been captured on film, due to the fact that it eats any nature documentary personnel on sight. If ever in contact with one of these creatures, one is advised to exercise extreme caution. Slowly backing away may work, but due to the Jamesernaut's unpredictability, it may leave passer-bys alone, or attack them viciously with no remorse, and has been known to kill for sport rather than food. Any sudden movements can be highly dangerous. It has displayed acts of endearing loyalty towards family members and those who qualify as non-threatening. Its loyalty does allow for superb wingmanship, as it has no biased towards a female's negative qualities. Jamesernaut does not call back. Rumors say that if an acceptable gift is offered to the beast, it will rescind its hostility and allow for a safe retreat. Alcohol seems to work the best, however, it increases chaotic thoughts in the beast's mind and the possibility of an attack presents itself. There is no guarantee. Jamesernaut is listed under the top ten animals to just stay the fuck away from at all costs.

"What's that sound?"
"I dunno....let's get outta here."
"OH SHIT ITS THE JAMESERNAUT!"
<everyone is dead>

"Wow this is good beer."
"Hell yeah man, not that expensive either."
"What's rustling in that tree?"
<drops from tree> *Thwump!*
"HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT?!?"
"I dunno, just give it something!"
"Umm...here, take this beer."
<gulps beer> "BWLLAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
"Dude let's just go while it's distracted."
"Hell yeah fuck this!"
<Jamesernaut proceeds to eat all the food left behind>

"Wow those chicks are hot."
"Yeah but they brought their fat friend."
"Damn it. I know!...Jamesernaut!"
"Right! Hey! Jamesernaut!"
<HRMMM??>
"Wanna fuck that fat chick?"
<Hmmm........BYAAHAAHH>
"Awesome we are in business."