qvc

Quality, value, convenience. TV program characterized by overly perky and talkative superhumans plugging things you never knew you needed, like compound flashlight/toolboxes, Thermolite & Polartec fleece earmuffs, revolving shoe trees, plaid pencil skirts with matching berets, and sweaters with snowmen appliqués. You're pretty sure you don't need these things, but the light refracting off them in a perfect elongated x shape entrances you. You must. Buy. The clothes steamer. You might need it one day. Even better, it's only $23 and change, and on 2 easy payments. How could you not?

Note: actual products listed.

I am in so much debt that QVC owns my house.

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