Evan

The most scrumptious piece of meat to ever be on a man -- an example to all. His phrasing, elegant. His gaming skills, questionable. If one were to find themself an Evan, they would be flabbergasted, astonished, aroused and defecate themself all at once.

"I saw Evan the other day and lost my edging streak!"
"Every time I see an Evan, I re-evaluate the meaning of my being here on this planet, when most of my days are spent wallowing in despair. My entire existence lives for Evan. I am so dependent on him that if he were to die, I would not feel very good, Mr. Stark."