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An invaluable antique that invokes an orgasmic-like state comparable to oneâs first time watching Fight Club. Decorated with stale Sour Patch kids and adorned with tin foil from a three day old chipotle burrito, this elliptical treasure is the perfect replacement for a butt plug. Youâll find faberge eggs under barbed wire fences, national museums, a local Walmart, and your moms house.
âA healthy relationship and quality mental health? Why would I want that when I could have four faberge eggs up my ass?!â
Great heavens almighty! Is that our savior, divine being from above, the Jesus Christ?! Why, no, but I can see why youâre confused. That, my friend, is a faberge egg, one of the most illusory objects to ever exist. It is timeless, crafted from the souls of dead Republican senators, detailed with an engraved sequential narrative depicting the entire plot to âHow to Train Your Dragonâ, and stands on a plate composed of flattened Twisted Tea cans. It is remarkable, terrifyingly beautiful, and the perfect shape to stick up your ass.
In the early years of primary school education on drugs, the government showed a video, where a cracked egg in a frying pan was âyour brain on drugsâ. If that was a faberge egg, the quote wouldâve been âthis is your brain on Godâ.