DEREK

A word derrived from a comical pronunciation of the word: dick. Pronounced with cocked head, upthrust neck and clenched vocal chords the word is best separated into it's component syllables to give the impression of saying:

"DE-EH-RE-EH-EK"

For emphasis, the word may be said at the speed required to provide maximum comedic value. For example, when participating in a DBA or Drive by Abuse one would shorten the pronunciation to ensure the intended victim received the full impact of the word. At the other end of the scale, the slower and fuller pronunciation would most likely be used as a greeting and mechanism to provide a mocking platform in the event of performing a stupid act worthy of the monika "DEREK".

Whereas pronunciation carries the majority of the word's meaning, it is not the entirety of the word's value. The word can be used to greet, bid adeui, mock, celebrate, reference or replace other key words in a sentence. See below for usage examples.

The telephone greeting (often used as a comic relief in an otherwise potentially dull answerphone message):

"I say, is that DE-EH-RE-EH-EK?!"

The passing in the street:

"Look over there, isn't that Derek kicking it old school?
Hey you! Derek! How the derek are you doing old chap?"

The DBA:

/acceleration of car to suitable speed
DEREK! <compressed to ensure accurate delivery>

The morning call to arms, accompanied by an upward stretch and rigorous scratching of the bollocks

/repeated stretching
"DEEEEE-EEEEEEEHHHH-RREEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEK ohbloodyhell"
/continued scrotal jiggling

The conveyance of dismay or anger at another person's idiocy:

"Did you see what that pillock did the other night? He was acting like a total derek, I mean really just how much of a derek does that derek want to be? Derek. DEREK!"

Recently used as a replacement for any word in a sentence, which in the same way that fictional cartoon characters The Smurfs do:

"Did you give that shady lass a good dereking last night mate? Or did she derek the pants off you?"

Or:

"I was driving my derek down the derek, and some total DE-EH-RE-EH-EK pulled out right in front of my derek causing me to derek all over the road. Dereks were looking at me left right and derek, I felt like a such a derek. I tell you, never in all my days have I wanted to derek someone into total derekdom so much. Derek."

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