playing poopsum

Remaining motionless and silent in a toilet stall while waiting for everyone else to exit the bathroom.

Bathroom traffic was unusually heavy this afternoon and my leg fell asleep while I was playing poopsum.

AirBn-beanbag

A beanbag chair that is likely covered in goo because a bunch of renters spooged in it.

So happy you came to visit while we’re in town, please sit anywhere except maybe the AirBn-beanbag.

Selby Splash

A Jackson Pollock inspired pooh painting left on the back wall of the toilet for all the world to enjoy.

Auctioneer: “Ladies and gentlemen, the next piece up for sale is a 2014 Selby Splash made possible by a long weekend of tap beer and disco fries. We will start the bidding at $150,000.”

ghost rinse

Turning on the bathroom sink with no intention of actually washing your hands.

I was just in the bathroom and overheard my boss pretending to wash his hands; but it was an obvious ghost rinse.

26👍 1👎

GP-ASS

The ability of the human butt to know when it is close to its home toilet.

I didn't have to go during the whole five hour drive, but as soon as I turned onto my street my GP-ASS kicked in and I almost soiled my shorts.

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Irish Clog

The act of clogging a toilet and then leaving the facility without fixing the issue or notifying the appropriate parties.

Sully: “What should we do for dinner tonight? How about Applebees?”

Rodge: “Can’t do it.”

Sully: “You don’t like Applebees???”

Ridge: “Oh, I love Applebees. I just can’t go back because I hit them with an Irish Clog last Thursday.”

Glory Butthole

A glory hole, but big enough to fit a butt through.

Waiter: “Would anyone be interested in dessert?”

Alex: “Not me! Going to Ibiza in June so I need to make sure I’m glory butthole compatible.”