Jeff

An ugly, old, balding white man. If your name is Jeff, hate yourself. Nothing alive likes you, especially your ex-wife. Your dreams are as broken as the car you drive. An old guy with feminine hips and a sickled back. The surface area of your forehead should be measured by science because it is physically impossible in size (unlike your penis). White as the day is bright. Nobody likes you (including the one parent that is living). If you feel insecure, you have every reason to be. People talk behind your back, and you know it. You desperately need a shower and revenge on whoever named you.

Dicky: I don't want to be here anymore.
Rob: At least you're not a Jeff.

Bob: They made up a new slang word!
Tanner: What is it?
Bob: Jeff! It means kill yourself.