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The awful, awful hangover that you get after drinking excessively on New Year's Eve.
He: God, I feel awful! I shouldn't have drunk so much at Bob's New Year's Eve party. I feel like death
She: Yeah, you've got a bad case of New Year's Die.
Accomplish two goals or achieve two ends with one action or plan.
She: The boss is incredibly efficient at organizing his time and conserving his energy.
He: Yeah! His secret is that he knows how to kill two seals with one club.
She: What???
He: You know, accomplish two things at once.
She: You're gross!
He: Thank you.
Empty Toilet Roll Syndrome: syndrome manifested by inconsiderate males between the ages of 12 and 26, the principal symptom of which is an inability to replace empty toilet rolls even if there is a full roll sitting on the back of the toilet or nearby. The major cause is chronic laziness and a selfish lack of concern for other people. The only cure is homeopathic -- i.e., a retaliatory and strategic leaving of an empty toilet roll, ideally when there is no full one available in the bathroom. Other symptoms include leaving pubic hair on the soap in the shower, never picking up the bath mat, and similar antisocial behaviors.
She: I can't believe it, my brother never replaces the empty toilet roll in our bathroom, the lazy bastard.
Her friend: Nor does mine. Obviously, they are both victims of ETRS.
She: What?
Her friend: Empty Toilet Roll Syndrome.
A question that you ask when someone has said something incredibly rude, stupid, offensive, or otherwise awkward and antisocial.
Guy 1: Like, as far as I'm concerned, those people deserved to be bombed ....
Others: What???
Guy 2: Who farted?
The feeling of sadness that many people experience after the political climax of the inauguration of the president of their choice.
Psychiatrist: Tell me why you asked to see me today, Ms.___.
Patient: Because I feel really, really, really sad - kind of drained and empty. When Barack was President-Erect - I mean, Elect - I felt soooooo great, but now all I can think of is my crappy job, my bills ... depressing stuff like that ...
Psychiatrist: Ah, yes, a classic case of post-inaugural depression. I notice that you first said "President Erect" .... Why do you think that was ....
Etc., etc..
Two shots and a splash of water.
Guy: I feel gooooood ... I think I'll have a cocktail this evening.
Bartender: What cocktail would you like?
Guy: I dunno ... something new and interesting ...
Bartender: How about an Osama Bin Laden?
Guy: What's that?
Bartender: Two shots and a splash of water.
Guy: That's good! Yeah, great .... I'll have an Osama Bin Laden.
Two shots and a splash of water.
Guy at bar to bartender: "I'm not sure what to have ..."
Bartender: "How about a Bin Laden Cocktail ..."
Guy: "What's that??"
Bartender: "Two shots and a splash of water."
Guy: "Ouch!"