boardchow

Small food particles and what not that collect in between the keyboard keys.

"No thanks, I don't need lunch. I'll just get some boardchow."

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monitor malaise

Monitor malaise can take two forms.

1) Falling into a stupor after staring at a particular document on your monitor for long periods. You know this has occurred when you realize you're reading every sentence two or three times, or your face has become hot and red where you've been resting it on your hand, or you've drooled on yourself (and this last is not a normal occurrence for you).

2) A feeling of being overwhelmed or confined to your desk (see stir crazy). You've been staring at the same project on your monitor for so long that you'll use any excuse to escape, even when you know that you should continue working.

1) The phone rang, snapping me out of my monitor malaise and nearly giving me a coronary.

2) Even though my project was due in half an hour, I couldn't concentrate; severe monitor malaise. Walking Vicki to her car was the perfect remedy (even though it took 2 hours).

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cop cleaner

A car that passes you on the freeway driving much faster than you (and the speed limit). By pacing this car at a distance, speed traps along your route will catch the other driver instead of you.

"Dude, I picked up a cop cleaner on my way over and got here fast!"

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designated decoy

The friend that leaves the bar first pretending to be drunk and unable to walk, let alone drive. He draws the attention of the officer laying-in-wait so the rest of his buddies (who probably *are* drunk) can escape unnoticed.

After your buddy passes the breathalyzer test with a 0.0 blood-alcohol level, the puzzled officer asks, "Sir, I saw you stumble out of that bar like you were under the influence, just asking to be pulled over. Are you nuts?"

"No sir," he answers, "I'm the designated decoy."

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artificial sweetener

Any substance, commonly oil or saliva, used in erotic photos on the web to make the female appear "wet" and therefore sexually excited.

Alternatively refers to the cornstarch and water solution squirted onto various bits of anatomy in similar pictures to mimic male ejaculate.

"Hon, you're reminding me of my wife; we need some sweetener. Lick your finger and wiggle it around down there a bit before putting your leg behind your head, 'k?"

"That's it? Christ, mix up some artificial sweetener and squirt it on her tits and chin. You better keep it up for the money shots after that sorry dribble, you little prick!"

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VO

to screw something up beyond repair

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Relationslip

1) A relationship entered too quickly or without enough forethought; further reflection leads to regret and sometimes panic.

2) A time when you suspect your partner is spending too much time out with friends, feeding egos or insecurities at bars or other meat markets (i.e., the beginning of the end).

Pablo sighed with relief, hanging up the phone after breaking the relationslip he'd committed after only two sexually charged dates.

Larry realized he was in the midst of a relationslip when Kiko stopped answering her cellphone every time she was out with friends.

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