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Macro-Microwaving is the act of entering an excessive amount of time to cook something in the microwave but standing by to remove the item when it is finished cooking.
Person 1 in work break room waiting to use microwave: "Whoa, 20 minutes for a bowl of soup?"
Person 2 in work break room trying to use microwave: "Relax, I'm macro-microwaving."
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Auto ventriloquism is the art of talking or signing to oneself without moving one's lips while driving an automobile.
Passenger: "Hey, look at the guy in the car next to us. What an uptight douche bag."
Driver: "He's not uptight, man. Look you can see his lips moving a little. He's practicing auto ventriloquism."
A gift treaty is an agreement that you make with your friends, family members, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife that declares you will not exchange gifts on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
"Once my brother and I started exchanging gift cards for 50 bucks on holidays we decided it was pointless so we agreed on a gift treaty."
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A poo scale is any scale you keep in your bathroom. The only purpose of this scale is to determine the weight of your poo by weighing yourself before and after taking a poo.
Customer: "Could you point me in the direction of the poo scale department?"
Employee: "Are looking for the bathroom scales?"
Customer: "Yes, the poo scales."
Employee: "They are back there."
Customer: "Thanks."
Dog blocking is when a girl's fucking dog prevents you from getting laid by lying between you and her in bed. Dog blocking may include the dog doing anything that kills the mood and draws the girl's attention away from you and your penis, for example, getting sick, needing a walk, or just being cute.
Guy 1: "How'd it go last night?"
Guy 2: "Sucked. I was a victim of dog blocking."
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