Bum Spuds

Poo, shit, or shite. The product of defecation.

I’m touching cloth! I really need to lay some Bum Spuds.

Someone forgot to flush the toilet and it is full of Bum Spuds.

Mattress Pumper

A young guy, shy, loner, usually a teenager, often a geek, who does not have a girlfriend and spends far too much time alone, often at home in his bedroom, when other people his age are out having a good time. The implication being that he is wanking or fucking, i.e. "Pumping" his mattress because he can't root a real Sheila. The meaning of the term and it's use might have nothing in common.

An underage drinker (under 18) is in a bar and bumps, into a grown man who shouts at him, "Piss off, you little mattress pumper".

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Blanket Ripper

An extremely loud, explosive fart in bed, which threatens to tear the blankets apart.

Bloody hell Ernest, I thought I'd never get to sleep last night. The wife kept doing these vile blanket rippers. I was scared that she'd either rip the blankets apart and we'd freeze to death, or the stinking fart miasma would gas us both.

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Barkers’ Eggs

Dog turds/Dog shits

“You need to clean up the backyard. It’s covered with Barkers’ Eggs.”