hummusexual

A hummusexual is a person who spreads hummus on his willy and then gets sucked off.

Especially inspiring with a dash of hot sauce

Shlomo declared his hummusexual nature by dipping his dong in the hummus and then going upstairs with Rebecca.

The moans and slurping sounds were awesome.

9👍 10👎

bite my nuts you moronic putz

"Bite my nuts you moronic putz," is an epithet used on people raiding apricot orchards in Israel.

Moishe had just climbed over the wall, and was sneaking up to an apricot tree when he heard the dreaded words, "Bite my nuts you moronic putz!"

He narrowly escaped, followed by a blast of rock salt.

3👍 2👎

Gob Less America

"Gob Less America" is an inspirational song asking America to spit ("gob") less.

It is traditionally sung in the seventh-inning stretch at baseball games, because research has shown a lot of spitting goes on in the eighth and ninth innings.

Cindy had just sucked a huge wad of man chowder from Bobbi's dong, and couldn't decide whether to spit or swallow.

Then she remembered the song "Gob Less America" from the baseball game, and swallowed.

6👍 3👎

mourning wood

Mourning wood is a boner you get at a funeral.

Frank was quite embarrassed when he got mourning wood at his friend Fritz's funeral.

However, he did get some nice winks from the widow.

33👍 14👎

pangolinism

Pangolinism is a sexual obsession with pangolins, a scaly anteater.

A terrible addiction.

Tesco suspected his friend Rupert of pangolinism, but what gave it away was the jars of ants and the acrid smell of pangolin jizz.

2👍 1👎

did you screw my duck

"Did you screw my duck?" is what to say if you're walking through a park and see someone person screwing a duck.

A good follow up is to demand $50, and make them think they're getting off lightly.

Spencer saw Doofus screwing a duck by the duck pond, and said "Did you screw my duck?"

"Yes," whimpered Doofus.

"You know the drill," said Spencer sternly.

Doofus handed over $50 and scampered away, soiling himself lightly as he ran.

8👍 3👎

dirty sancheese

While giving your gal some hot butt action, dip your forefinger into a jar of nacho cheese, paint a curlicued Mexican mustache on her upper lip, and yell, "Ole!"

That's a dirty sancheese.

Very classy.

Ben gave Amanda a dirty sancheese last weekend.

I hear she was so impressed, there's wedding bells in their future.