SPARTAN

An inconsistent and underachieving football team from East Lansing, Michigan. They are marked by a mascot with a giant head and an inferiority complex expressed through their hatred for the University of Michigan. A typical spartan will jeer and trash-talk before the Michigan-MSU game and, win or lose, burn a couch or two; riot; and trash-talk after the game.

The females of the species can be identified by a pleasing-to-the-eye countenance, but a very limited vocabulary and understanding of basic social skills. The males are unkempt, wearing either school colors (white and green) or t-shirts bearing cartoon images of large-breasted women and drunk men peeing. They generally smell of alcohol and have difficulty forming complete sentences.

MSU fan: "Michigan sucks, dude!"
Michigan fan: "But Michigan just beat the spartans convincingly."
MSU fan: "Yeah, but Michigan still sucks, dude!"
Michigan fan: "The spartan coaching staff did not make adequate in-game adjustments to Michigan's running game."
MSU fan: "Whatever dude. Michigan sucks and I'm burning a couch."
Michigan fan: *shakes head and walks away dumbfounded*

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supermarket spartan

They are a very rare breed because people are generally loathe to be associated with Michigan State University. However, they do exist in small pockets of the state of Michigan, particularly in East Lansing and surrounding areas. These are "fans" who stoop to becoming spartan fans because they 1) could not get accepted to the University of Michigan; 2) do not know what the color "maize" is and goes with the easier green and white; or 3) think they are rooting for the Trojans because of the image on the football helmets. They outfit themselves with Spartan paraphernalia bought at their workplace, the supermarket.

A "supermarket spartan" can be identified by the following:

"I'm the bagger of the week, so I got me this cool spartans keychain!"

"I like to show off my team's colors - my teeth are naturally green and white!"

"Michigan sucks cuz I couldn't get in."

Camouflage pants and a green MSU t-shirt

Brand new MSU hat that has been rubbed in the dirt and run over in a pickup truck to make it appear as if the hat is years old.

Round chewing tobacco canister in the back pocket.

Home address includes model of the trailer home.

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