John

A John is your best friend with extras. You spend a lot of time together (nearly every chance you get), plan programs together, occasionally grab a beer or two and talk about important topics (like your mutual hatred for capitalism). He's fun, outgoing, intelligent and caring but also the biggest asshole you've ever met. Everyone thinks you two are together but they are completely wrong. It's a symbiotic relationship because both of you are an emotional wreckage.

Everyone should get a John for themselves.
Having a John is the best thing that happened to me in a while.