Operation Slow-mo

When someone is always slow, sluggish and tardy. In a crisis they still maneuver like they are wearing medieval plate armor, and generally have the agility of a tractor with a missing wheel.
operation slo-mo

Don: 'Why the HELL haven't we finished this production yet?!'
Gibbo: 'Operation Slow-mo over there is doing his tortoise impression again.'
Don: 'Bloody hell, he's not even morbidly obese the guy's just in a permanent daze. His mum must be a starfish and his dad a freakin statue! You're fired, land porpoise.'
Land porpoise: 'It just looks like I'm going slow!'
Gibbo: 'WTG Captain Obvious. It's looks like that to everyone else too.'

yard cigar

A dog turd. In the yard or on the street.

Wow check out that yard cigar! Someone had something to celebrate, they sucked the colour out of it and it's white to the roach!

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