american dream

Having sex with Jenna Jameson and three other porn stars of your choice.

I have enormous balls, Jenna.

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we need to talk

What a person says when he has something to discuss.

Boy: We need to talk.
Girl: ...
Boy: We need a new shower head.

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I didn't vote for Bush

A way of saying that a person is not insane. Origin: George W. Bush has insanely sent thousands of American troops to the Middle East on a pointless war.

(Man, in underwear, holds up bank. Several members of the SWAT team shouted that he put his gun down.)

Man (panicking): Don't shoot me. I didn't vote for Bush, man. I swear.

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iphone

fucking piece of shit

1: hey what did you get
2: an iphone
1: you fucking piece of shit

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metrosexual

A subgroup of the human species that can only mate on public transportation.

Boy (on the subway): Why is that man sliding up and down that woman on the bench over there?

Father: No reason, son. (mutters under his breath) Damn metrosexuals.

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izzle

A funny suffix. Used to induce laughter.

Me: Hizzle. Myzzle namezzle izzle Davidizzle Blainzzle. (People laugh.)

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love

"...love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another."

source: The Wedding Crasher (2005)

Love,
I'm barfing.

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