Random
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Random
When you drop your phone in the toilet and the automatic flush activates before you can remove it.
Emily watched helplessly as her iPhone got a smartphone swirly in the office bathroom.
6π 2π
When a dad (your or someone else's) makes an awkward comment on a picture shared through social media.
T: Greg's dad commented on Facebook "wish I was there" on the vacation photo of my wife in a bikini.
J: I saw, dude, he went all Daddy likes Instagram on your photo.
8π 3π
A bruise left after a session of rough sex.
Last night Selena whipped me with my own belt. Left a huge Bangor blueberry on my ass.
Pretending to leave for work in the morning, only to return home after your partner has left for their job, in order to have an extramarital affair.
I was pulling a Greenwich Constitutional when I heard the front door open. It was only the maid arriving late that day. I was terrified it was my wife about to walk in on me and the pool boy.
Tiffany and I had a nice Greenwich Constitutional situation going until her husband got indicted for insider trading and was sentenced to house arrest.
When you shave your partner's public hair before performing oral sex on them.
Cindy hadn't waxed in weeks, but wanted me to go down on her, so I had to do a Chattanooga lawnmower just to find the clit.
Brad's pubes were so overgrown I had to give him a Chattanooga Lawnmower before I was going to put his dick in my mouth
3π 1π
This is when you go to a hotel with a coworker for sex during the work day. It is called this because, much like a grilled cheese sandwich it is fun, tasty, and kinda sticky, but ultimately unhealthy.
"I had a standing "grilled cheese lunch" with Tiffany in accounts every Friday, until she quit."
7π 1π
A bruise left during a session of rough sex.
Dude1: We tried out a new riding crop last night and Susan left a big Penobscot blueberry on my ass.
Dude2: Nice. Good times.