Peegatory

n. Indecisive state of being upon waking in the middle of the night. Your body is too exhausted to get up, and your bladder is too full to get back to sleep.

We started drinking so early I fell asleep at 8 o'clock. When I woke up at 4:30, everyone was gone, and I was in Peegatory.

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said no one ever

Declarative phrase appearing at the end of a statement which effectively negates the meaning of the previously stated text. Essentially, the presence of this statement instructs the reader that what has been stated up to this point is a fallacy in that no one would make that statement under any circumstances, at any time (in the past, present or future) in any corner of the known universe.

I am so tired of bacon that I hope I never have to eat it again. Said no one ever.

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P.E.T.B.O.

Acronym used to describe a moderately attractive woman. As such she is "Pretty Enough to Bang Once".

Yeah I had her last night, but that's it . . . she's just a P.E.T.B.O.

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precop

abbr. (pre-copulation agreement) A mutually binding agreement (usually verbal) by and between consenting adults prior to engaging in casual sex. The agreement stipulates that all involved parties are excused from emotional attachment, post coital contact, and any promise of future sex. Any and all disputes arising from said contract should be submitted and negotiated through binding arbitration. This agreement must involve a minimum of two individuals, with the maximum number to be determined in practical application.

Q: So, you stud, are you going to call Tina today?
A: No, I believe that would be a violation of our precop.

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LinkedIn

MySpace for people who actually have jobs.

I found Greg on LinkedIn and he hooked me up with a great headhunter.

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Fire The Retros!

Used as an interjection. Tells the subject he/she a)Is moving too quickly, b)Has gone too far in speech or action and needs to "back up" or c)Has breached the TMI rule and divulged something inappropriately personal.

Larry: Beth is the best thing that ever happened to me. I think I'm going to ask her to marry me. Will you help me look for a ring?
Danny: Fire The Retros! You met this girl like six weeks ago. Slow down you moron.

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Expansive Repulsive Disorder

n. Affliction causing an individual to appear reasonably attractive in their facebook thumbnail image, but downright hideous when the same image is viewed full size. Abbr. E.R.D.

Her thumbnail looked really good so I friended her. Turns out she has a really bad case of Expansive Repulsive Disorder.

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