Bachelor Buffet

A pathetic multi-course "home cooked" meal gleaned from the outer reaches of a bachelor's refrigerator or cabinets.

"Brah, last night was crazy depressing. I watched re-runs of Magnum P.I. and feasted on a bachelor buffet of pasta with mustard, fried ham cubes, Froot Loops, powdered Gatorade and leftover white rice from Hing Long."

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Bro Time

Bro time is a “safe space” for bros to express their “feelings.” It is often the spontaneous result of bro’s night and normally occurs after consuming a case of natty ice.

The event is typically triggered by an evocative song which is familiar to all the bros. Examples include: “One” by Metallica, “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson or Pennywise’s “Bro Hymn.” After moshing and playing air guitar to their favorite song the bros will stand around and discuss “sensitive” topics such as their aversion to sexual assault (to perhaps atone for their own indiscretions), confessing to “banging” an unusually heinous woman and/or another bro’s sister, praising their father’s masculinity, entertaining the idea that you may indeed “love that slut you’ve been banging,” or conversely how that “bitch” who fucked another guy “broke your heart.” However bros will never confess to performing a bro job and thus undermine their status as a bro.

Most importantly because bro time is an activity performed by white upper middle class dudes it always occurs away from the scrutinizing eyes of women, people of color, family members, liberals, non-Christians, poor people and the disabled. It is a space where bros can be “as raw as they want to be” and where the thin ties holding together their heterosexual bro identity come dangerously close to unraveling. Nevertheless the event is always brought back to reality with a swift and manly bro hug and shots of Jagermeister.

“Yo, me and the bros totally bonded last night. That bitch Ashley broke my boy Chad’s heart and we had to chill with him. I dunno what I would do without my boys and bro time.”

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