faece fungus

the white fungus that appears on a turd that has been on the floor too long

colin came over ashen-faeced. "blimey, cole" exclaimed kevin, "it's only
faece fungus. I'll pick it up after the football"

3👍 5👎

y-fronts

old-fashioned underpants so called because the fly is made up of an upside down Y shape allowing quick access but still affording cover

Chris "Y-fronts" B***** MP was so excited by Tony's first election victory that he lowered his trousers in public and started masturbating, while singing Things Can Only Get Better and inviting men to perform oral sex on him.
Call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with a glass of champagne

178👍 64👎

labia hotdog

to have sexual intercourse without actual penetration. the labia are stretched around the penis and held in place whilst the thrusting brings ejaculation OUTSIDE the vagina. this is a common form of birth control in Korea

steven was really looking forward to a good bunk up with colin's wife but she would only give him a labia hotdog

55👍 19👎

calamity james

englands number one goalkeeper

"ol' keegan's gonna enjoy 'im"
"who?"
"calamity james, oo ja fink!"
"england, england's number one, england's, number one"
"ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

5👍 29👎

cock sync

to be in perfect synchronisation with your sexual partner during intercourse, thrusting together in time.

"poor kevin" exclaimed sandra "he was so out of cock sync that it slipped out and damaged my right knee"

7👍 4👎

self pleasuring

masturbating oneself

the headmaster shouted "KEVIN! ARE YOU SELF PLEASURING YOURSELF AT THE BACK THERE!"
"no sir" kevin replied meekly " i'm just wanking.

70👍 27👎

spew up your ring

to vomit so violently that one anus nearly comes out of ones own mouth

look here Kevin, if that's your tenth donner kebab, you're definitely gonna spew up your ring!

29👍 5👎