oldskool poo

The act of visiting the bathroom for defecation purposes, and not taking out your phone to message friends/take selfies/watch porn while you're sat on the bowl.

Instead of staring at a screen while you curl out King Kong's finger, you look around and let your senses take in the surroundings. The faded lung-coloured pants on the radiator. The box of open tampons. The short curly hairs on the soap.

Just like how people used to do, in the days before we all started carrying around phones.

Friend 1: Mate, that was one quick shit! Your logs must fly out of your arse! Either you've got a superfast metabolism or you just got out of prison after being someone's bitch!

Friend 2: Nah, not really. I just went for an oldskool poo, in and out with no distractions.