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the study of the interrelations between fart and place.
by analogy: as "terroir" is to wine, so is fartography to flatulence.
the most skilled fartographers are able to identify with uncommon specificity not only the ethnic background of the individual who authored a particular fart, but also the kind of food that person ate, whether or not his or her ancestors grew up near a farm or at high altitude, and whether he or she is lactose intolerant.
fartography is a fascinating discipline whose implications are only now becoming clear.
among pioneering practitioners, Johnald G. Stinkefeller is notable for his contributions to the field.
civilian: jesus! what the hell is that smell?
fartographer: indeed, indeed. that most certainly is an emission from a person of subcontinental origin.
civilian: goodness gracious! well, i daresay...
fartographer: moreover, said person seems to have a particularly hearty meal of boeuf bourguignonne. the sulfuric notes suggest a person with a severe allergy to gluten, as well as a miniaturized anal aperture which undoubtedly contributes to the floral top note. i would suggest that the person in question is...
civilian: damn you, stinkefeller!
fartographer: you. you farted. and that's how fartography works, son.
pronounced doom-PAHS. when a personage exhales a ripple from his/her/their ass(es), for many hours thereafter a smell may linger. to those with a trained eye, this stench may actually be visible, taking the form of a faint cloud of dump-colored gas, akin to an aura, but for feces.
the term was coined by the Dr. Victor Dichter, best known as the public intellectual who imported the late great Johnald G. Stinkefeller's ideas on #fartography into the german languages, where they were warmly received.
mutherfuck, you see the dumpass on that guy?
bro, why aren't you reaching out to me to see if i'm okay after seeing that dumpass?
you don't feel supported?
i'd feel more supported if you blasted one off.
don't say another word.
farttown is where you go, metaphorically speaking, after loading up on a plate of beefy nachitos and plenty o' barolo. what's great about farttown is that anywhere can be farttown, your bathroom, your classroom, hell even your analysts's office. you know your in farttown when it stinks so bad ya can't breathe and when you leave you're clothes carry the stainch of tourds for days.
a: hey my dude, smells like you been to farttown.
z: why yes i have, jes' comin back from it. how'd you know?
a: you small like a toilet. no i don't.
z: yes you do man.
a: goddamn
of or relating to the stainage left inside the toilet bowl after you take a massive; or, a person who is the metaphorical equivalent of said stain.
Tronald Dump is a true dumpstain. He lit'rally sucks his own farts out of his stainus with a tube.
produced exclusively on remote alaskan islands, fart cheese is one of the rarest foods on the planet. milk is extracted from the breasts of caribou, gently heated over an open flame, then subjected to a barrage of farts offered by the rustic villagers who stand in a circle around the cauldron, relentlessly perfuming the milk. it is believed that the #farticules increase enzymatic activity, resulting in more pronounced flavor and slightly wet texture. the best fartcheeses can be aged upwards of a century. very old fartcheeses may taste of urine, glue and porcini mushrooms, and are said to induce hallucinations and a pleasant tingling in the anus.
dicht racy: what say we open a wheel of '24 fartcheese
jim harbaugh: fuckin yeah!
Anu's Touch, stylized as Anustouch, is a permanently closed South Indian restaurant in Boobston, NJ that served what some consider them most innovative Indian dish of the 20th century: dehydrated miniature starfish in a brown curry glaze, garnished with corn. It is said to have tasted primarily of rancid vegetable oil. Other restaurants have attempted to reproduce the dish over the years, but none have succeeded in replicating the secret sauceâanu's touch. The founder, Jaggerwal Fatwinder, now long dead, claimed to have dreamt up the dish while under anaesthesia during the removal of a fat deposit in his forearm.
Bro, wanna do anu's touch tonight?
Thought ya'd never ask!
iBall is a product currently under development at Apple that provides the user with up to the minute information about his or her testicular activity: for example, volume of semen in the balls, concentration of sperm, color and taste of splooge, and so forth. iBall looks like a small, futuristic cradle for your balls, made of a high ballistic material. Rumored to have been conceptualized by Steve Jobs himself, iBall is now overseen by Ron Jeremy's penis.
Person 1: yo Holmes I just copped the new iBall.
Person 2: how is it?
Person 1: not too shabby. Right now I got about a pint of nut juice ready to bust at the slightest urging.
Person 2: that's fuckin insane
Person 1: yeah