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turd insecurity

A public restroom phenomenon in which the turd dumper needs complete privacy in order to do their thing. The presence of another person in the adjacent stall, or even the restroom, will cause sphincters to pucker to less than a 1 cm.

This is especially true if the turd dumper knows he/she is going to have an embarrassing explosive turd, complete with lots of gas and splashing sounds.

Two persons with turd insecurity in adjacent stalls results in a very uncomfortable , time consuming experience for both. A solution is to flush the toilet in sync with dumping the turd, hopefully masking the dump.

His sphincter tight with turd insecurity, Steve hoped the person in the next stall would leave. In the next stall, Mark harbored the same hopes.

by tuftskins April 30, 2009

12πŸ‘ 2πŸ‘Ž


barkbag

A very noisy, irritating dog which barks incessantly, usually during hours when Dracula stalks, for any or no reason.

If that barkbag doesn't shut up, I'm calling the cops!

by tuftskins May 1, 2009

5πŸ‘ 3πŸ‘Ž


trucker's toilet

A large mouthed plastic bottle (think Gatorade) used by a trucker in lieu of other facilities. True road kings can use one while holding 65. Some truckers dispose of trucker's toilets by tossing them out the window, and if you keep an eye out, you'll spot these half-full gems along interstates everywhere.

With a wind chill of -40 on Wyoming's I-80, Todd decided to forgo the Rest Area. The trucker's toilet in the heated cab of his Kenworth came in real handy.

by tuftskins December 1, 2009


explosion trailer

A trailer for a movie with heavy use of explosions. The term "explosion trailer" is always preceded by a number indicating the amount of explosions.

Explosion trailers are light on serious dialogue and the audience is sometimes left wondering what the movie is about, other than explosions. The number of fourteen-year old boys who will see the movie increases exponentially with the number of explosions in the trailer.

Usually, a movie with an explosion trailer is not considered Oscar-worthy, unless it is for special effects. For the life of me, I can't recall an explosion trailer featuring Meryl Streep.

After seeing the seven-explosion trailer for Timecop III, all the boys in Ms. Shull's 9th grade homeroom couldn't wait to see it.

by tuftskins May 7, 2009

4πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž


Necktie Cult

The Federal Government. The politicians, lawyers, journalists, bureaucrats, lobbyists, and other hangers-on who parade in front of TV cameras, trying to make us think they really matter.

So named due the astounding preponderance of neckties worn by all involved.

Big Bear: "Looks like the Necktie Cult wants to raise taxes again."

Heather: "Mmmm. Good thing we're tax rebels!"

by tuftskins March 23, 2010


Globull Warming

Junk science that claims man can make the earth's temperatures rise. Recently proven to be bunk, based on lies. Gee, we can't make it rain in LA, but we have the power to change the planet's temperatures...riiiiight.

Globull Warming is a con game designed to make a few people rich with scare tactics. It's followers are a cult, and they are now at the Jonestown stage.

It's 5 degrees in Spokane, WA, right now. Fuck Globull Warming!

by tuftskins December 10, 2009

31πŸ‘ 12πŸ‘Ž


flush and dump

Differing from a shit and split, a flush and dump is often done out of consideration, or due to turd insecurity.

The action involves expelling a turd at the same time one hits the flush lever on a toilet.

This is done to mask a noisy turd in a public restroom or to quickly get rid of a smelly turd before it renders a bathroom uninhabitable.

Since it was his first time at her house, Andrew courteously performed a flush and dump in Martha's bathroom, vastly improving his chances of scoring that night.

by tuftskins April 30, 2009

14πŸ‘ 4πŸ‘Ž