Uncle Stroking

Uncle stroking is an ancient technique of pleasuring oneself in which the male places his penis in between 2 rough, cubical ancient stones. The stones must be in cube form and must be handheld, otherwise the process will not work. After placing the penis in between the stones, you push them together to create an extreme force that results in the deforming of the penis and said penis begins to bleed. After this step, you move the stones forward and back in a masturbating form, using your own blood as a lubricant to make the uncle stroking even more pleasurable than it is.

"Sorry, I can't fuck tonight, my dick hurts so much from uncle stroking last night."

"I just discovered uncle stroking and it's the greatest thing ever!"

Trunking

Spiking multiple splinters around your shaft while cutting a customized hole into the trunk of a tree (preferably with many splinters inside). This technique consists of inserting the splintered penis into the tree, and then severing your shaft so that it stays inside the tree so that your trunk is apart of the tree trunk.

"Some guy gave me $20 to go trunking with him."

"Imma need a dick transplant after that wild trunking session."