pedofile

(pedo=child, file=file) A tool used by ambitious parents to sharpen their dull-witted offspring.

"You failed algebra again? Fetch me the pedofile!"

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pedocide

An industrial chemical commonly applied to the lawns of retirement communities to inhibit depredations by other people's grandchildren.

"There's a Big Wheel parked on the lawn, George. Better put down some more pedocide."

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pedometer

A scientific instrument for measuring the degree of a person's sexual attraction to children.

"Applicants whose pedometer scores are greater than 25% are not approved for the position of Scoutmaster."

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pedofag

pedo: child; fag: cigarette (British slang)
Cigarettes made from bubble gum flavored tobacco, designed by tobacco companies to appeal to young children.

Tobacco executive: "Get 'em hooked on pedofags before they turn eleven and we've got 'em for life! (villainous snicker)"

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